Time Travel - no idea.

The rabbits wanted me to clear up some things with you before we move on with the blog. There was a heated discussion last night during our favorite TV show, which I refuse to mention. I’ve argued up and down with Jackson about his species heart rate. He told me that his heart beats 5 times a minute.

just... just don't make him mad.

Not sure if that means his minutes are off or he’s a zombie rabbit that doesn’t  have a heartbeat. I don’t think it’s the minute thing.

I looked up rabbit years to human years. Scary stuff. Jackson’s older than I am.  – Increasing his chance to become a zombie rabbit.
Which do exist, mind you. I plan on writing a wikipedia article later this week.
So I did some research to provide you with the following statistics on rabbits.

• Gestation (pregnancy) 30 – 33 days.
• Litter Size 4 – 12. Average 7.
• Gestation in males – no
• Weaning Age 7 – 8 weeks. From 50 days.
• Weakening Stage – The part in a sad movie with stringed instruments
• Average domesticated rabbit life span 8 – 12 years.
• Average time it takes to domesticate – 3 hours.
• Heart Rate is around 220/per minute.
• Bowel Movements – about 73 (per day)
• Normal Temperature 37 – 39.5 degrees Celsius, 101 – 103 degrees fahrenheit .
• Abnormal Temperature – anything measured in kelvin
• Average Daily Water Intake 100 millilitres./Kg bodyweight
• Average Daily Cookie Intake – same as above
• Sexual Maturity of a rabbit – 16 – 24 weeks
• Intellectual Maturity of a rabbit – proceeding falling in love/losing a loved one
• Average Running Speed of rabbit – 25mph
• Average Running Speed of rabbit when the word “cookie” is mentioned – 30mph
• Average price of Rabbit’s Feet key-chain – 50 cents
• Average price of food for rabbit each month $25

Hot or Not?

When the weather is nice, and the birds are wailing, and the grass is growing, and the flowers blooming, the rabbits are sent outside. To fend for themselves.

We are sick of paying almost 2 bucks for a head of lettuce that will only last a few meals. Sick of it!

Rabbits are hunters by nature. That’s a proven fact. So I have documented our expedition around the yard.

Note: Jackson is not shown because he was too frightened of the passing traffic to participate.

Result: Bramble may live in the wild.

We have a leash and harness for the rabbits, right? And it was like 70-some degrees the other day in Kentucky so 1+1.. I took Bramble for a little trot.

This is a good depiction of what it looked like:

This is my depiction of what Bramble sees in his mind:

First of all, you will notice his posture. Not really that great. I tell him to sit up all the time. Arthrits is rare in rabbits.. but not impossible!

Second, I’m sure you realized the differences in the grass. Our yard isn’t so nicely kept. And we don’t have a big rock thing like that. I’m not sure what that is or why Bramble pictured it. Or why I pictured Bramble picturing it.

Third, I don’t know, maybe you noticed the people jumping for joy in the background? Yeah he believes the red carpet approach to his neighbors will make them see him in a twinkling light. Miles and miles from the truth my friend!

The neighbors are like “Oh! A bunny!”

And Bramble is like “Oh my. Hello. I thought I smelled something”

And they’re like “Oh my god! You’re so cute”

And he’s like “Please peasants, step out of my way please, I’m looking for clovers”

And their like “Oh! Clovers! Bunnies eat clovers!? That’s like soooo cute”

And then he’s like “Spare me your ignorant epiphany you middle-class servant and I might allow you to stroke my silky coat”

And then I smile politely and embarrassed and have to make an extra-interesting jell-o mold to appease my new community.

I don’t even eat jell-o. Just ridiculous.

You don’t have to be a man to love manwich.
You don’t have to be a witch either, it’s true.
You just have to love a fun, tasty dinner.
And wearin’ some of that dinner on you.

Oh how my heart breaks.

“So Jackson, What do you do?

Oh well, I guess you don’t want to answer. Bramble, How are things at home?

Oooookay. Moving on then…”

We tried giving them dance lessons once but they just don’t have the rhythm. Reminds me a lot of the movie The Jerk.

Turns out Jackson is pretty talented with the paint brush, though. He has asked me to post a couple of his paintings here that he is selling 4×6 prints of if you’re interested. He’s got paypal.

Title: Darlin' How I'd Love to Lay You Down"

Title: "Can't You Understand that I Don't Like Hugs?"

Beet Juice for Blood

They never thought they could be scary until I allowed them to watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail. Opening up a new can of worms would be a severe understatement.

Bramble and Jackson somehow managed to set up imovie on my laptop and when we weren’t watching, made a very scary horror film.

I’m warning you now, if there are kids in the room, send them away. You do NOT want them to see this.

I mean it. Now, if they’re in the room. I don’t want you to blame me for any lifelong damage.

And I won’t be liable for any nightmares.

Just remember that.

They called us collect from a pay phone in Peru wanting us to wire 500 dollars into their account.

The only documentation of the cruise

After we explained to them that they would need to set up an account before they could actually use one, they caught a ride with a native up to Mexico and took the greyhound from Texas with the little money they hadn’t spent on Peruvian Scarves.  I still don’t know why bought scarves. They never wear them.

Anyway, when they arrived back home partly safe and merely sound, they seemed a little frazzled. A little distant. A little more grown up. Like the end of  Terms of Endearment.

But yesterday they were back to their old selves again. Chattering on about who loves who more and which of them is the best cuddler.

But I can still smell the sweet dust of Peru on their fur. Speaking of fur, I’m posting a video on Rabbit Grooming, for those of you who need help grooming your furry rodent friends.

No, you can’t borrow the car for three reasons:

1. You didn’t finish breakfast,

2. You’re not on my insurance and

3. You don’t have a valid KY license.

I explained to you when we moved here, both of you, that you have to turn in your Oregon Driver’s License and take a new picture and pay 25 dollars.

And don’t whine and cry about that d*** 25 dollars either! I told you both I would loan it to you.

Stubborn. And now you’re pouting and whatever. Just whatever.

Have you ever witnessed Bramble commit any crimes or unusual acts?
Definitely.  Well, He’s never done his taxes. If that’s a crime. He doesn’t recycle. He’s a big litterbug. And the county has called me on account of his smell. Several Times.

Please describe the rug, in the condition it’s in now.
Patchy with a bit of fog. The seams are still in tact. It’s a nice shade of watery ketchup. Low pile. Medium pile actually. Low would be ideal, I think.

If you could sum the rug up in a proverb, which one would you use?
I can’t think of any. The only one I know is the Chinese one: If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. But that doesn’t apply.

Out of your experiences with Bramble, do you believe he would chew fibers out of a synthetic rug?
No.

Considering all you know about Bramble and Jackson,
Which rabbit has the look of fire in his eyes?
Definitely Bramble. Its more like lava. Slow flowing lava.

If you had to make some sort of educated guess as to which rabbit is chewing bald spots in the rug,
which rabbit do you think it was?
Definitely Jackson because I’m observing it now.

Caught red handed and fibered.

Exhibit B, Look at them.. sitting so sweetly together. Not so innocent.

State your name for the record:
Tatum J. Williams

How long have you known Jackson? How did you meet him?
mm, two years. I was a guest in Jackson’s first home, in Portland, OR. He lived in a cage, and was not interested in my company. I used to bring him carrot tops after grocery shopping.

Have you ever witnessed Jackson commit any crimes?
Witness? Commit? Crime? No. Wait. No. Pass.

If you could sum him up in three words, what would they be?
Never Say Die

If you could sum him up in a proverb, which one would you use?
Jack of all trades; master of none

Out of your experiences with Jackson,
Do you believe Jackson would chew fibers out of a synthetic rug?
Eh probably.

Considering all you know about Bramble and Jackson,
Which rabbit has the look of fire in his eyes?
Jackson has more of a smoldering ember. So probably Bramble.

If you had to make some sort of educated guess as to which rabbit is chewing bald spots in the rug,
which rabbit do you think it was?
Without a doubt, Jackson. 100 percent. Jackson. Bramble.